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The Struggle With Relationships

By April 17, 2020April 9th, 2021No Comments

The struggle is real. Well at least for many, there is a significant struggle when it comes to relationships. There are patterns of the same old shit giving you the same old results. You might not even notice how standard your response or reaction to coping with difficult times in or out of relationships actually is. In my opinion relationships are harder than any addiction. 

That might sound far fetched or a bit much, “settle down big guy, it’s not that bad”. Well for some and definitely for me, at times it is more complex and more taxing than any alcohol or drug, eating or internet addiction. In fact, the majority of the addictions just mentioned are negative behaviours and coping mechanisms we choose to indulge in or let hijack our mind, just to pause the thoughts of relationships.  

Now, some of you heroes have what we call ‘healthy relationships’. A term used by those in toxic relationships or no relationship at all, find hard to grasp or even conceptualise. A healthy relationship means there is not a lot of drama and unmet needs that linger around like a fly on a hot day. These relationships kind of just work. Simple. Content. Loving. There isn’t doubt, there isn’t mistrust, sitting, waiting, wishing, it just is. 

You might be reading this and thinking my relationship is functional, it’s the other demons and issues that might be getting in the way of my relationship. Or you might be reading this and resonating with the struggle and the reality that you have some patterns that aren’t serving you anymore. Either way, have a browse through this list below and see if you identify or connect to any of the following: 

Do Any Of These Fit For You? 

I find myself repeating the same patterns in relationships

I struggle with being emotionally or physically intimate with my relationships

I am either all in or nothing, there is no in between

When I am not in a relationship, something is missing, a gap or blockage

I have challenges and concerns from the past that keep on coming up

I base my whole world around my relationship, when it is lost or at risk, I struggle

Things aren’t working in my relationship that I need to adjust and improve on

I don’t know where to go next, break up, get back together, move on

Bottom line is, relationships are hard work, keeping them functional and healthy needs consistency and authenticity. There has to be a focus on our connection and intimacy in order for those relationships to thrive. A good place to start is to look at yourself honestly. Not your relationship, just you. “Yeah, but we are a team, they are my rock”. That’s great. But stop. Look inward, have a moment for you. A step in the right direction is checking yourself, facing some truth, of where you are at. What comes up for you? If you can acknowledge  that when you reflect on the points above you connect and resonate with some of them, then you are facing your truth and increasing your self-awareness. This may leave you with a curiosity to explore and find out more about yourself and how you function in relationships.

From here, the choice is to persevere , set goals and inject some hope, compassion and willingness for growth and to break the patterns of emotional pain. Like anything, it’s a long road, best to stay present and take an attitude of gratitude, one day at a time. The windows of possibilities and the doors of opportunity may start to open up for you. Some fresh air.

So where do I fit in … I help individuals to find reason to live, to grow and to understand themselves to flourish and build strong and lasting relationships. This is what relationship counselling can help you with:

What Can You Get Help With? 

Self-worth. Help find your own value and  stop defining worth based on others views

Self. Self-discovery, learning how to put yourself first

Boundaries. Setting functional boundaries

Communication. Relating to your person, sharing and owning your reality

Past. Looking at unresolved issues impacting your relationships

Trust. Finding moderated and healthy trust, a look at commitment issues and decision making

Patterns. The repeated patterns that keep happening in each attempt at relationship

Conflict. Arguments, needing control or anger issues

Blockages. Find the answer to the hurdles and walls that may prevent intimacy

Loneliness. Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness with the current situation

Infidelity. Rebuilding or letting go after an emotional or physical affair

Love. Understanding you, your partner and the connection between

Pain. The emotional pain of relationships, break ups, staying together, resolving

If you want to find your way in relationships or find out how you can get support, please reach out. I am a specialised therapist that can work with you to help you understand what it is you face.

Please feel free to get in touch with me today

Reach Out!