When I’m asked the age-old question “So what do you do?” I give my answer and almost always get the same response “ooooo can you psychoanalyse me”? Firstly, no that is highly unethical, we just met, secondly well actually hell yeah I can. Professionally, that is a big part of what I do, I try to understand what is going on for people by actively listening and observing responses, reactions and behaviours. I am a relationships counsellor, meaning I work on relationships with a focus on the individual and helping them look at their part in all this.
Let’s take it one step further when I’m counselling people I have a big focus on relationships. I think that most issues, concerns, stressors all stem back to relationships in some way or another. I’ll give you an example, someone comes in to see me about their addiction to ice. Their goal is to become clean and sober and get their life back on track. Great! Now in order to do that, I want to understand why drugs in the first place? “Drugs help me not feel”, “Drugs help me to escape”. When I pause on that and ask “so why is it that you want to escape?”, the majority of the time you start knocking on the door of emotional pain. I believe that pain is linked to relationships. In this case, the individual was kicked out of a violent home at 13 and started sleeping rough. The slippery slope of unsafety, negative coping mechanisms and minimal guidance led to a life of addiction. Another example, a recent break up where the person is now finding it hard to cope. After some regulation and basic safety measures, it becomes clear that they have been in and out of relationships their whole life, they can’t seem to function without a partner. I could go on and on and blabber on about attachment theory and interpersonal relationships yadda yadda, but I won’t. I am here to keep it simple.
I use the relationship with the person in front of me. I want to provide a safe space and gain trust so that we can experience their emotional pain together to find reasons to improve and grow in their relationships and their life. Relationships are super complicated. A person brings themselves and all of their past to find themselves with another person with all of their past and then try and find a good healthy balance or just mesh it all together and hope for the best. I work with people as a whole, there is no one size fits all non-sense. Whether that means you are struggling with your loved one, finding it hard to be alone without a relationship or what is going on for you is impacting your current relationships. This doesn’t have to be romantic and intimacy based, it can be that big ol’ family system, your friends or even your boss. It all comes down to what you bring to the table. What your role is. We start here and tune into how you function in all of this.
I strive for a connection in the room with the other person so that we can find a nice rapport that can lead us where they want to go in therapy. The focus is on working together with challenges and concerns that can stem from relationship issues ranging from communication, trust, intimacy, past trauma, repeated patterns, grief and loss to suicidality, addiction and mental health concerns.
Below is a list of some of the areas that an individual who makes the decision to get support from me can hope to find:
What can you hope to find?
- Increase in self-awareness and understanding
- Discover a path to healthier relationships
- Resolve the issues that are holding you back in being intimate
- An increase in self-esteem and worth
- A decrease in mental health symptoms
- A balance between self and other
- Ability to attract a new relationship and create long-lasting change
- Improving the way you communicate, solve issues and resolve conflict
- Learning how to let go and surrender
- Discover how to be more open, willing and honest
- Resolve past relationship or childhood traumas
- Learn to love, express yourself and be able to be more intimate
- Thrive in your ability to connect with others
- Slowly knock down the walls and let people in
For those that have done some of the above, you’ll know that this shit isn’t easy. It’s actually all an ongoing journey with a need for adjusting, adapting and maintaining. Each point though can bring such relief and joy to your experience of life. I talk a lot about my own challenges and triumphs in some of these areas in other blogs and videos, so I speak from experience when I say it’s a cathartic roller coaster with heaps of reflection and management. If this sounds like a bit of you, then why not come dip your toe in the pool of possibilities. I love working with people to help them find out more about themselves and how to flourish.
Please feel free to get in touch with me today