Stop Doing the Work – Start Being With It
We all say we’re “doing the work.”
We journal.
We reflect.
We might let out a cry.
We process with our therapist.
We name our patterns.
We set boundaries.
We breathe.
But if you zoom out
Most of us are still working for something.
Still proving.
Still performing/masking
Still trying to win against the wound.
And when the moment comes – the one where the body wants to shut down or scream or freeze
We rush in with a solution. The fix. The doing.
A method.
A movement.
A mindset shift.
We forget the most radical thing we can offer…
Is to stay. To Stop.
To be with the parts.
The part of us that is adamant they have to do.
That wants to push through.
The one that just doesn’t get why we would stop.
Or be with the part of us that is tired of doing.
That doesn’t want to fix anything.
That just wants someone to sit beside her while she falls apart and not try to make it better.
This is the difference.
Between doing the work…
And being with it.
One is an over-functioning.
The other is a soft presence.
One says, “Let me prove I’m healing.”
The other says, “Let me meet what’s here without needing it to change.”
One tries to outrun the protector.
The other sits down with her, lets her have a voice, without letting her drive the car.
One wants catharsis.
The other wants truth.
In session, a client told me she was frustrated.
That she held back.
That her throat wanted to scream.
That her body said “fuck this.”
But she didn’t collapse.
She didn’t shut down.
She stayed.
She spoke from the adult part of her, the one that could look at the little girl and say,
“I won’t let them access you anymore.”
Not with a roar.
Not with a punch.
But with a quiet, anchored clarity.
And you know what?
That’s what the inner child needed all along.
Not a warrior.
Not an adapted protector.
Not another explosion.
She needed someone who stays.
We don’t need more “work.”
We need more witnessing.
More attuned presence.
More moments where we stop trying to get somewhere and finally arrive with what’s already here.
That’s not weakness.
That’s leadership.
That’s the adult self finally taking the seat.
Not to fight.
Not to fix.
But to say…
“I’m here now.
And I’m not leaving.”
Additional Blog Love
Embracing Vulnerability and Healing From Betrayal
The Struggle With Relationships
Facing Fear and Understanding Emotions
5 Tips to reduce shame and increase Self-Worth
6 ways to overcome resentment in relationships
How To Be There For Someone Who Is Suicidal
Free Resources
Free Non-Negotiable Self-Care Program
Find You – E-Book – How to radically put yourself first
Stay Connected
